One Sentence Gaming, Vol 1

John

Here at DPG, we try to bring you the absolute best in gaming comedy. Obviously, everything we do is hit or miss, but we strive to achieve for the former.


You may have heard of 5 Second Movies. If you haven't, it's a little like it sounds. Reviewers will sum up a movie in 5 or so (with a heavy emphasis on "or so") in the simplest way possible. So, we present to you: One Sentence Gaming. We'll start with some of my personal favorite games. Ready? Go!

 

1) Final Fantasy IX: Effeminate half monkey-half human hybrid hits on a princess, aggravates a knight, destroys one planet, and saves another.

 2) The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask: Waifish elf falls down pit, gets cursed by a witch doctor, and must become the world's greatest astronaut in three days by learning how to play the ocarina. 


 

3) Steambot Chronicles: An herb becomes friends with other herbs and spices to form a band who can only play five songs, while also saving the world in a mecha-car.

 

4) Super Mario Bros. 2: Two italian brothers, a midget and a princess are trapped in a dream world and their only way out is to drink potions they dug up from the ground with their only form of self-defence being turnips and onions.

 5) Donkey Kong Country: King Kong and his nephew have all their precious bananas stolen by crocodiles and must enslave the other unwilling animals of the jungle to get them back.

 6) Super Castlevania IV: A vampire hunter named after the electronic game learns how to whip in 8 directions for the first time in his life while encountering a very extreme case of deja vu.

 7) Ape Escape: An odd hair colored kid has his equally odd hair colored friend brainwashed by monkeys and vies to save him with the power of a teleporting butterfly net.

 

8) Clash at Demonhead: A silly named extra from Scott Pilgrim must foil a government plot to save his girlfriend with clever acronyms.

 

9) Sonic CD: A blue hedgehog who always has GOTTA GO FAST must defeat an obese evil genius for the millionth time while avoiding a non-mutual love interest.

 

10) Goldeneye 007: A secret agent must stop his former best friend and avoid the allure of two sexy russian ladies, while pondering if he has seen this exact same scenario in a film once.

So there you go. Ten games. Ten sentences. All brief and to the point.